Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? As for me I am do fine.
Senior, you remember the earlier days of the late Togbui Xornametor, aka Togbui Peace-Perfect-Peace, aka Captain Chaos, aka Red Herrings, aka Togbui Amekedziavu, aka My Daughter’s Something Are Beautiful?
Senior, I am in reference to that provisional period in Ogyakrom’s history, which outlasted eternity. That was when Togbui and his apostles and disciples taught us this song: Ogyakromian people make you stand on your right foot, we no go lie down make them cheat we every day, daabida.
Senior, some pikins took this song very serious and made it their anthem. Whenever some disillusioned labourers decide to do yen di, yen di, as in we no go chop, or better still, for short, the act of demonstrating that you can march recklessly and shout without understanding why you are doing so, they will sing this song.
Senior, it was during those days that one who chopped last saaaa in class is not understand why his classmate who chopped first saaaaa in class should be his manager, while he is a common messenger in the office. That alone gave him the mandate, the authority and the legal left fully backed by the revolution to walk into the manager’s office, throw him out and occupy his position, while he mismanaged affairs.
Senior, it is this kind of people who added to some few wise men and women, and brought into existence the Umbrella clan. Such people will celebrate anything, even if it did not make sense.
Senior, as it is, these apostles and disciples who were indoctrinated into the political theory of “We No Go Lie Down, Make Them Cheat We Every Day, Daabida,” started borning, borning, and their pikins too started borning, borning to increase and multiply and subdue the Umbrella under.
Senior, when Odinihu Nana Ontiaobira, mistakenly ate twenty balls of tuo-zafi instead of his minimum forty-eight, he went to bed and had a nightmare that Mama-Gin stole three of his lots and gave them to the Great Leopard to retain the throne.
Senior, the fact that Nana Onsurowuo stretched him by five million lots was not the issue here, after all, they say little drops of water make a wide Volta Lake, and so without his three lots, the Great Leopard would not have gotten what he had gotten.
Senior, earlier, before the lot casting festival, Odinihu had assured his followers that he had already won, and so they can start celebrating. They can start borrowing cash and/or kind in order to get whatever they wanted, and when he is enstooled he would sign a blank cheque and write off everyone’s loans and overdrafts.
Senior, based on the dream he had, Odinihu organised the youth from the Umbrella Clan and told them that the only way to overturn the results, they must go and burn tires on all bush paths in the village and burn the forests as well, if some of the kerosene remains.
Senior, this they did, and while the thief slappers descended on them and beat the living daylights and the dark nights sky out of them, some of the elders of the Umbrella family were found chilling to celebrate the stupidity of their youth.
Senior, all of Ogyakromians pleaded with Odinihu to go and consult those old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing, to make themselves useful and pronounce Odinihu as the winner.
Senior, this was hard on Odinihu, because one of the mission statements of the Umbrella Clan stated that “Only people who do make-up before they bath go to seek help from those old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing.” However, with pressure coming from all and sundry, and sundry and all, including his side chicks, Odinihu agreed and went to seek help from the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing.
Senior, things happened. Firstly, Odinihu had no evidence to point at as to exhibit the action of Mama Gin caught in camera, stealing lots. Rather, the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing were pleaded upon to plead with Mama-Gin to just come and say she stole lots for the Great Leopard.
Senior, then three wise men, not those who visited Yesu Christus Emman when He born, but the three wisest men from the Umbrella family were prepared and sent to face the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing, and prove that Mama-Gin was indeed a thief. She started young by thiefing meat from soup.
Senior, these wise men proved indeed that only those who do make-up before they enter bathroom to bath go to consult the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing.
Senior, the first wise man, Asi-Edu ke Nkatie, confirmed that they had no evidence that Mama-Gin stole any lots, but they were only there to plead that Mama-Gin should just come and say that she stole lots. That was all they came for.
Senior, the next wise man, a certain Passat-White, said he and his colleague, Mojo-Jomo, were in the safe deposit box in Mama-Gin’s office when they were opened and let out like chickens are let out in the morning, to go and greet good morning to Odinihu for her, and they obediently left the area to embark on that mission.
Senior, Mojo-Jomo came and confirmed what Passat-White said, adding that he was invited into the bedroom of Mama-Gin. He was quick to say nothing happened, except that he was served a Kufuor Gallon full of Lipton tea, garnished with one litre of goat-milk. He swore that he was not served with biscuits, but forgot all about the bofrot and meat pies he was served with. He could not eat for the rest of the day.
Senior, the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing, suddenly did something and told Odinihu that next time he must be serious and sent him away to be seen there no more.
Senior, with their faces drawn long with disgrace, the Umbrella elders, led by Psalm Germ-Free, swore that they would explore another avenue to make Mama-Gin come and lie that she, indeed, stole three lots for the Great Leopard.
Senior, it seems this angered the youth in the Umbrella Clan, and with their eyes now open, they asked all the Umbrella elders to produce all the lotto coupons they have to prove that, indeed, Mama-Gin stole three lots for Nana Owuobiayeowu.
Senior, they vowed that if after half a moon and they hear nothing, they will march aimlessly about and enter the family house and eject all the elders for “they no go lie down make them deceive them every day, daabida.”
Senior, in the previous letter to you, I talked about the need to make sure pikins learn how to walka-walka correctly when young, so that when they grow, they can walka-walka well. These Umbrella pikins were trained how not to lie down, but walk aimlessly about making noise, now they have turned this on their elders.
As for me, I am tired of these Umbrella people. I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
It’s Me!
The post Letter to Senior Opupulepu (132) Wrongly Teaching a Pikin the Way He Should Walka-Walka About appeared first on The Chronicle Online.
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