All creations of God are all right; A unique God with marvelous foresight. “What God has joined, put not asunder.” For them, He toiled; be grateful. Keep them together.
Undoubtedly, the most cherished wish of a woman is to get married and have children of her own. After she has been successful in fulfilling her wish, does she strive at all costs to keep her man “till death doth us part?”
Many women take things for granted after they get married, and indulge in acts that are limited to the sustained success of the marriage. One such act is the tendency of some wives to starve their husbands off sex.
Sex is a formidable means through which husband and wife express their affection for each other. It was our God who made it so. God was right in implanting such a strong instinctive desire for sex in the two human species.
He specially endowed women with some inexplicably magnetic charms that easily arouse sexual desires in men for them. Just compare how a man feels when he sees a naked man, and how his feelings are on seeing a naked woman. He simply feels absolutely nothing towards the naked man.
What about his feelings for the naked Eve? Some electrical currents of passion, very irresistible, immediately take possession of his whole system. The biblical King David offers us a typical example of this: David was taking a stroll on his rooftop in the evening. He saw a woman taking her bath at a distance, and “the woman was very beautiful to look at…” His uncontrollable passion for her was immediately aroused. He sent for her and made her ‘pasa pasa’, even though, he knew she was married (2 Samuel 11:2-4).
Yes, such is the stuff women were made of. A classmate of mine at the Ghana Institute of Journalism jocularly asked: “what type of clay did God use to manufacture women to let them carry such magnetic charms around them?” A million dollar question that makes God to be feared and revered, indeed, a SUPREME BEING WITH POWERS BEYOND COMPARE.
Yes, God made woman with charms so that she and a man can easily come together to have children to “replenish the world”. It is, therefore, regrettable that some wives can “stay away” from their husbands for as long as six months and over, without any tangible reason such as ill health.
My “Morgue” Volume Three gave an example in The Mirror of August 28, 1993. The Mirror’s ageless Nana Ama was called upon to solve a very delicate problem headlined “MY WIFE IS ALWAYS TIRED”. A “Mr. E.A.” of Accra dolefully complained that for the past SEVEN TO NINE MONTHS (Emphasis mine), his wife had been “refusing his approaches for love making on the grounds of being tired.” He, however, observed that her job was not so tedious as to render her too tired to allow him into her. Poor soul, he found the trend so unbearable that he had been resorting to masturbation.
Nana was rightly furious at the woman’s behaviour and found it “unacceptable that a married man, whose wife is not sick, has not travelled, should resort to masturbation to release his sexual hang-ups…”
Nana was right. If the period of nocturnal Rock ‘N’ Roll black out involved on a week, two weeks, or even a month, it would have been, somewhat, understandable. But for a wife to starve her own husband of love-rejuvenating sex for an excruciating period of SEVEN TO NINE MONTHS is, to say the least, very unfortunate, and this does not augur well for the success of a marriage.
Wives must understand that crossing their thighs tightly against their husbands for a long period will certainly have adverse effects on the marriage and they will be the losers. This is because, some husbands, who find themselves in such an unnatural situation, will, definitely, be tempted to indulge in extra-marital affairs, more especially, in this era of availability of temptresses all over the place with voluminous and voluptuous bums empowered by succulent appendages firmly planted on their chests to act as baits.
Weak-willed husbands can easily succumb to such marriage vampires. Obviously, ‘Mr. E.A.’ was one of the decent, loving caring and considerate husbands, who wish to stay with their wives alone, hence, his choice of masturbation, instead of going in for an illegitimate relationship with a willing woman. These extra-marital ‘escapades’ have been known to be the bane of many a marriage.
Apart from extra-marital affairs, which sex-refusal in marriage can bring, some husbands are tempted to use violence, and, in fact, physical injuries on their wives out of anger and frustration.
Sometime ago, for instance, an Accra weekly reported that a husband used a pestle to hit his wife to death for refusing him sex when he was on heat. Even though the man’s action was barbaric and thus condemnable, it really indicates how important sex is to husbands, as well as how strong the sex urge or libido is.
Looking at the numerous rape and defilement cases, and the personalities involved, it will be realised that the sex urge in men is too strong for wives to treat lightly, where their husbands are concerned. Respectable personalities such as the clergy, soldiers, policemen, doctors, teachers, respectable-looking elderly men etc. are all involved in raping women and defiling small girls young enough to be their granddaughters.
The same sexual urge drives some sane people to stoop so low to have sex with animals such as pigs, cows, fowls, etc! This is not to say that such acts are not reprehensible. Indeed, it is exactly what rapists of all types are. They, even, go beyond beasts, since no animal has been found mating with its young ones in the way men defile small girls, even, babies. Some also have sex with their own daughters.
The good Lord, in His divine wisdom and foresight specifically created sex to enhance couple’s desirability for each other. Take it out of marriage and the whole institution becomes dull and boring, existing only in name, but lost in essence.
The sex urge is so strong in men that an old lady in my town advised her daughters and by extension, all girls, to take to their heels when they see a man on heat because “the sexual urge has no brake!” I, however, think that libido has no brake for only weak-willed men, who cannot control their sexual emotions.
Such men should be grouped among beasts, as a Judge described a rapist who was reported to have subjected his victim to the most positioned rigid Long John Silver. (Daily Graphic, Thursday, August 20, 2009).
In marriage husband and wife have taken a very solemn vow to stay together till death separates them. The implication of this is that none of them must do anything offensive to the other, which may dampen their love for each other.
They must always remember the two main aims in marriage in order to, strictly, adhere to them to bring about peaceful co-existence, as God wishes matrimonial vision to be. The first aim is the production of children “to replenish the earth”. The second aim is companionship.
Companion has different meanings, but the two relevant to this exposition are: 1. a person who goes with or is often or always with another person; 2. a person who shares in the work, pleasures, misfortunes etc, with another. These two meanings are further strengthened by what the Good Old Document – (GOD) – the Bible says in Genesis 2:24.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.” Being one flesh calls for selflessness and avoidance of selfishness. The wife too, has sexual feelings, which must be fulfilled. She needs warmth from her husband. Thus, whenever a wife exhibits the least sign of desire for sex, the husband must satisfy her.
Some husbands, erroneously, think that women love money and that they will feel no vacuum in their lives should their husbands leave them at home almost sleeping on wads of currency notes, while they while away their time outside with their extra-marital partners.
This type of male mentality is wrong. Money indeed, cannot buy happiness in matrimonial homes. This is confirmed by the numerous cases of divorce among wealthy couples in divorce courts. Wives too need physical presence of their husbands. When this is lacking in the home, especially, where sex is concerned, they will be tempted to look elsewhere for satisfaction.
But, why starve your own wife of sex, in the first place when you know that she cannot go to another man? Sex-starvation in marriage does not promote harmony. Couples should, therefore, see to it that sex needs of their partners are fulfilled. Sex acts as a soothing balm capable of helping couples to iron out their differences.
Psychologists even assert that wives in particular and women in general easily get their demands granted when made immediately after intimacy. Sex, indeed, plays an important role in rejuvenating marriages and must not be ignored for all the riches of the biblical Solomon.
It is the Arabian perfume in marriage that leaves, in its trail, sweet-scented odour of renewed affection.
Let us fear God and be grateful to him for creating something that has a magnetic force in drawing men and women together for the purpose of procreation to “replenish the earth” and for companionship. Never must husband and wife starve each other of sex to destroy their union, which is Godly inspired.
By GODFRIED K. ARHIN-KUMI
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect The Chronicle’s stance.
The post PERISCOPE: SEX IN MARRIAGE (Advocate against cheating and of peaceful co-existence) appeared first on The Chronicle Online.
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