How to make a long distance relationship work: The Facts and the Ugly

Long distance relationships are becoming increasingly common in our modern, globalized world.

As people move around more for work, education, or other opportunities, it’s not uncommon for couples to find themselves living in different cities, regions, or even countries. While long distance relationships can certainly work, they also present unique challenges that couples in the same geographic location typically may not have to deal with.

Unfortunately, it is estimated that forty percent (40%) of all long-distance relationships end in breakups, and on average those relationships last just four and a half months.

One of the biggest obstacles in a long-distance relationship is the lack of physical intimacy. When you can’t see your partner in person on a regular basis, it’s very difficult to maintain the same level of physical closeness and sexual connection. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, and making love are important ways that couples bond and feel emotionally intimate. Without that physical component, the relationship can start to feel more like a friendship than a romantic partnership.

This lack of physical intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and resentment. Partners may start to feel disconnected from each other and wonder if the relationship is worth the effort. This is where flirting, cheating and infidelity often set in.

It takes a lot of communication, creativity, and commitment to maintain that spark when you’re not in the same place. Things like planning regular visits, sending gifts and packages, and scheduling virtual calls can help, but they don’t fully replace the experience of being together in person.

Another major challenge is the logistical difficulties of coordinating call/communication schedules, travel, and quality time together. When you live far apart, it’s not as simple as deciding to go on a date or spend the weekend/vacation together. You have to factor in the time and expense of traveling to see each other, which can be draining both emotionally and financially. This can put a strain on the relationship, especially if one partner ends up making more sacrifices than the other.

The distance can also make it harder to stay up-to-date on each other’s day-to-day lives. When you’re not physically present, it’s easy to miss out on important moments, inside jokes, and subtle shifts in mood and behaviour. This can make it challenging to provide the kind of emotional support and understanding that in-person couples often take for granted.

Additionally, long distance relationships require an extreme amount of trust, communication, and maturity from both partners. Without the ability to physically verify each other’s actions and whereabouts, you have to be able to have complete faith in your partner’s faithfulness and commitment. This can be especially difficult for younger couples who may not have developed those qualities yet.

That said, long distance relationships are certainly not doomed to fail. Many couples are able to make it work through sheer determination, creativity, and a deep emotional connection. The key is being proactive about maintaining intimacy, making the most of the time you do have together, and continuously working to bridge the gap.

Successful long-distance couples often develop rituals and routines that help them feel close, even from afar. This could include daily check-ins via text or video chat, sharing photos and videos of their daily lives, or sending each other gifts and packages. They also try to minimize the time spent apart by planning trips to visit as often as possible, even if it’s just for a weekend.

When they are together, long distance partners often make an extra effort to be fully present and make the most of their time. They may plan elaborate date nights, romantic getaways, or quality time doing mundane tasks side-by-side. The goal is to pack as much intimacy and connection into those precious moments as possible.

Communication is also absolutely essential. Couples in long distance relationships need to be extremely proactive about discussing their feelings, concerns, and needs. They have to be willing to have difficult conversations about things like jealousy, trust, and the future of the relationship. Regular, open, and honest communication helps maintain a sense of closeness and ensures that both partners are on the same page.

Ultimately, making a long-distance relationship work requires a tremendous amount of sacrifice, compromise, and prioritization. It’s not easy, and it’s certainly not for everyone. But for couples who are deeply committed to each other and willing to put in the extra effort, long distance can actually help strengthen the foundation of their relationship.

Being apart forces you to focus on the emotional and intellectual intimacy that forms the core of your partnership. It requires you to develop strong communication skills, cultivate trust, and truly appreciate the time you do have together. In that sense, experiencing a long-distance relationship can be great preparation for the challenges that all couples eventually face, even those who live in the same place.

Of course, the distance does eventually have to end for the relationship to be sustainable long-term. Most successful long-distance couples have a clear plan and timeline for eventually closing the gap, whether that means one partner relocating or the couple finding a new home base together. Without that light at the end of the tunnel, the strain of the distance can become too much to bear.

It cannot be contended that long distance relationships are complex and multifaceted. They require an immense amount of hard work, compromise, and intentionality. But for couples who are willing to put in that effort, a long-distance relationship can actually strengthen the foundation of their partnership and prepare them for a lifetime of closeness, trust, and intimacy. The distance is difficult, but the rewards can be truly profound.

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Writer: Daniel Fenyi

The writer is a licensed counselor, professional writer and conference speaker who guides young people through his writings. You can reach him via email [email protected]

 

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