Alternative ideas to try during sexual desire discrepancy

You may be feeling turned on and start to initiate sex with your partner, but they roll over and tell you they just want to go to sleep.

Or you’re sitting on the couch relaxing, immersed in your favorite show, when your partner gives you that look, and you think to yourself, “Not now!”

If you’re like most couples, you’ve likely experienced some degree of sexual desire discrepancy in your relationship.

Sexual desire discrepancy is when sexual interest doesn’t match up to that of your partner and here are things to do when it happens.

1. Masturbation: The most common strategy that most partners use when one partner wants sex and the other isn't in the mood, is for the person who is interested in sex to masturbate.

Partners can do it privately or even near or beside your partner.

Some couples masturbate using pornography; for others, it includes reading romantic novels and/or erotica.

2. Engage in a different activity with your partner: Couples can also engage in different sensual activities with one another, without necessarily having penetrative sex.

You can try different sexual activities like oral sex, manual stimulation, or masturbating together.

You can also choose to be physically close to your partner without it necessarily being sexual — for example, cuddling or holding hands.

3. Communication: Communication is described in various ways by couples as a way to navigate desire discrepancies.

For some couples talking through the situation helps to better understand where their partner was coming from and, if possible, finding a compromise.

Communication leads to a better understanding and respect for each other's wishes.

Couples can also communicate with one another to schedule sex for another time when both members have a better chance of feeling in the mood.

4. Maintenance Sex. Despite not being interested in sex at the time, one can agree to have sex with their partner anyway.

Some couples agree to have sex knowing their desire might increase as sexual activity progresses

5. Disengagement. A final strategy some couples can employ is simply disengaging.

Some couples simply wait for another time, by letting things be or using some kind of distraction that is completely unrelated to sex, like cooking, doing chores, or exercising.

It's important to know that in every relationship you are not going to feel like having sex at the same time as your partner all the time.

However, when these things happen it will be better to find a strategy that works for you and your partner to maintain a peaceful relationship.

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