Dear Senior Opupulepu,
Have you heard the news? There would have been the catapulting of the Gentle Giant from his throne for it was recently discovered that some guy man had plotted to catapultNana Odiewuo Positive Change, the only giant that is not like Goliath.
Senior, sorry to you, my rude manners again. Please forgive me. May I greet you? How are you and your family do? As for me and my family we are do fine.
Senior, I went into a trance and this was revealed to me, had Yahweh permitted that great day to happen, this was the speech we would have heard.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, this is Captain Boy George Dzata of the 64 Battle Lion of Ogyakrom’s Bow and Arrow Professionals. I and my very brave and patriotic officers and men have formed the Restore Rollers Revolutionary Council, RRRC for short and have taken over the administration of this village by catapulting the wicked Nana Odiewuo Positive Changeaka Sexy Eyes from the stool.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, we humbly present ourselves to serve you and to restore this village back to the bad old boom days of TogbuiXornametor. Before I present our acceptance speech, with your permission may I humbly introduce the members of the RRRC?
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, as I said earlier, I am Captain Boy George Dzata and I am the chairman. The first vice chairman is W.O. Class 1. AnyigbaHodzoAfolanya, the second vice chairman is W.O. Class 2AwetseTsapiYekomo, the third vice chairman is Staff-Sergeant AlloteyAlonte Bar, the fourth vice chairman Sergeant Thomas Thompson Tommy Fried-Eggson, the fifth vice chairman Corporal Alugutunqui Seth Tettehfio, the sixth vice chairman Lance Corporal Assem Michael Sronyemelio, the seventh vice chairman Private Johannes Deliverance Agbedefu-ProvidenceAgbelimovo and Senior Chairperson (as in Senior Minister) Lt. Col. Nana Sei-Pu Abrebrese as the Spokesman and Liaison-Officer for the RRRC.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, now our acceptance speech. We heard the calls and cries from all you good people of Ogyakrom to be delivered from the claws of that wicked Omanhene, Nana Odiewuo Positive Changethe so-called Gentle Giant who is after all not gentle. We acknowledge the fact that the deposed Omanhene has done great things to relieve all Ogyakromians from poverty and suffering meted on us all by hispredecessor TogbuiXornametor and his cohorts.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, we heard your demands and plea that we should get out of the barracks to save you from the wicked claws of Omanhene Nana Positive Change and we humbly in great humility accept this honour, therefore we have come.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, it has been wrongly said and perceived that Nana Odeiwuois the only giant who is not like Goliath because he is gentle. This perception is not to be perceived as correct at all. The reason we have catapulted this giant is because he decided to cancel the privileges awarded to TogbuiXornametor, Togbui Peace-Perfect-Peace, Togbui My Daughter’s Something Are Beautiful, TogbuiAmekedziavu, Togbui Captain Chaos who the Long-Noses affectionately called Jerry-Curls Rollers and all the other aliases includingTogbuiYorKeGariCreditor.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, Nana Odiewuo Positive Changedecided to deny our TogbuiXornametor, his rights which include the following: 1). Allowing fine, fine daughters of Eve to bath and dress him up, 2). Allowing fine, fine daughters of Eve to feed him and especially allowing nursing mothers to breast-feed him, after all he is also a person, 3). Allowing Togbui to talk by heart without any sense of directions as in to boom nonsensically without reason.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women,not only that. Nana Positive Changebanned all kayayei from carrying load for Tobgbui and his wife Naanaa, so at the village motor park whenever Togbui and Naanaa are travelling they carry their on load on their head even when sitting on board the iron horses or iron birds. Yes, read my lips, Togbui and Naanaacarry their luggage on their heads while sitting in the land or air vehicles, because no bookman is allowed to carry their load and put them under the seats under. It is fair?
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, we the members of Restore Rollers Revolutionary Council, have from this day forwards including tomorrow to go, have restored all rights and privileges of our immediate past Omanhene and his family.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, we humbly advise with great humility, that Nana Odeiwuo, hisaplankes and apprentices should report to the nearest thief slappers’ kiosk for their own safety.And all other Elephants must proceed to the bush where they rightfully belong.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, as part of making Ogyakrom have an identity to be envied by all other villages in ewiase, we the members of Restore Rollers Revolutionary Council, have decreed that trokoshi should be embraced in all clans and in all hamlets across the village.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, offenses that fall under the Trokoshi Decree include the following: any man or woman, male or female, who will lie, thief, dress inappropriately, walk as if he is drunk or walk when he is drunk, eat while chewing with both side of the jaws at the same time, eat with his or her mouth open, pretending to be rich when in fact he is poor, pretending to be poor when in fact he is rich, talking during assembly, wearing tsalewote to church and cambu to farm, putting on cover-cloth during public gatherings, to the male species among us, telling a daughter of Eve you love her when in truth you do not and to the female species among us assuring an akupa that you love him when in fact you do not, looking so attractive for the opposite to fall in love with you, meanwhile you have someone else and all other offenses that will be determined by the RRRC as and when applicable will be mandatory for the guilty to produce a virgin girl or woman who will taking to the national shrine which will be set up after this acceptance speech. Such a virgin will serve me and my able members of this council throughout eternity.
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, if however there are no virgins in the offender’s household, then three of tried and tested daughters of Eve are to be taken to the local shrine headed by the local fetish priests to begin servitude throughout eternity.”
“Fellow Countrymen and Women, we shall come back with more directives.”
Senior, this is one such wonderful “Fellow Countrymen and Women” speech we never had in this Ogyakrom. Oh how lovely it will be for someone who is too height challenged to join the bow and arrow professionals and yet managed to join and be able to catapult our greatest Omanhene, Nana Positive Changefrom the stool.
Senior, this Boy George is now a Municipal Police and how I fear forour Human Loud Speaker in the House of Municipal Police, in the person of AlbionBabie, (not the Babie doll some). This rascal who was recently half-initiated into the society of thief slappers, by been slapped left, right and center, can extend his hooliganism in the House of the Municipal Police and catapult Albion Babie from his throne.
As for me I am Dan, sorry, I am Done.
Its Me.
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