Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How do you do? As for me I am do fine, fine.
Senior, since the day our former Skuul-Prefect, One-Man-Went-To-Mow, Went-To-Mow-Amidu, aka Kaiser Schnapps, aka Benz-Bus decided he was no longer going to be Skuul-Prefect over us, there was a search for his replacement. The search was far and wide, and the search party from the Omanhene’s palace visited every senior high skuul (SHS) to see if any of those who passed through Free SHS will be fit to be the Skuul Prefect for Ogyakrom.
Senior, now the wait is over. Someone has won the beauty competition and will soon be crowned the Skuul Prefect of our village, if only the Municipal Police agree to agree on his choice.
Senior, while the former Skuul Prefect was not the smiling type, with his face like a porter whose shoulders have been overloaded with twenty sacks of maize, looking like someone chasing rats in the field, and talks by heart like someone who does not want to know whether he is talking sense or not, this new choice has a smiling face and very relaxed like some akupa who is ambushing some daughters of Eve who are going to the stream to fetch water.
Senior, this fortunate guy man’s name completely betrays his intention when it comes to having something to do with the daughters of Eve. For how can you claim your name, your father’s name, and your grandfather’s name is Kiss-Kissing Ajaben and you say you are a Roman Father? Tweaaa, I said “Tweaaa.”
Senior, hmmmmm, I cannot swear on an oath that you do not know what kiss-kissing is, but if you can’t remember due to old age and/or rustiness due to lack of practice, to kiss-kissing is the method or approach or the formula where two people, specifically a male and a female, we do not allow LGBTI matter here, decide to use their tongues to count the number of teeth the other person has. Simple like that, so if you are thinking of other matters to proceed on after that, then it is truly up to you and your like. S-H-A-EMU-E… SHAME unto you!
Senior, and in case you are not a bi-linguist and so speak only one language, apart from your mother tekrema, then I will let you to know that the word Ajaben is not the Misimisi word for Agya Obeng, but the Kpakpo Shito clan word for picnic.
Senior, so as it is, this new Skuul Prefect-to-be,will go enjoying himself as if he is at a picnic while kissing, kissing about the place.
Senior, if this should be allowed to happen and he is anointed Skuul Prefect, then no akupa will have access to any daughter of Eve. And one thing is how will he treat talkatives and late-comers who are daughters of Eve, and how will he treat talkative and late-comers who are hard skinned akupas who have difficult buttocks?
Senior, your guest is as well-behaved as mine. I can envisage and prophesise that the day is coming soon where daughters of Eve will rule this village because they have in the new Skuul Prefect, a kiss kissing ally. What will be the fate of men like you? As for me, I am a Roman Katholico and we are not like that.
Senior, but if you look at his handsome face, you will not look in the mirror again less you encounter the face of an ugly monster you never knew was your face. The guy man is handsome and as for his smiles, many guys wish they could borrow it for the night, so that when they go to do their communion rounds they will come in union with beautiful daughters of Eve.
Senior, Ogyakromian guys are faced with a dilemma. Allow Kiss-Kissing Ajaben to become our Skuul Prefect and lose all the ladies, or allow him to become Skuul Prefect and boast to the whole of ewiase that Ogyakromian men are beautiful. It is hard to decide, and even some of the Municipal Police are having sleepless nights with the fact that soon, and very soon, Kiss-Kissing Ajaben will be Skuul Prefect.
Senior, whether the akupas lament and weep or not, our Omanhene has decided, and his decision is to ask the whole of the Municipal Police to unite for once, and shame the devil and lay their crooked hands over Kiss-Kissing Ajaben for the full out-pouring of the Spiritus Sanctum in confirmation into office as Skuul Prefect.
Senior, do you know that some of the ladies have already cut cloth with Wofa Kiss-Kissing’s handsome face on it to wear and celebrate the day he becomes Skuul Prefect? These ladies are telling us something that soon we the men will no longer matter in Ogyakrom.
Senior, while all this is going on, I thought, and please I say, I thought, I allegedly heard the voice of the old skuul prefect saying that his replacement is too fine and too handsome for the job. In fact, I decided to use the words “thought” and “allegedly” so that no too-known I-PUT-IT-YOU rascal will put it to me that I have maligned, libel and labelled Benz-Bus Amidu, that his face is not fine.
Senior, I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
Its Me.
The post Letter to Senior Opupulepu (138) Kiss n Tell to be Skuul Prefect appeared first on The Chronicle Online.
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