Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? As for me and my family, we are all do fine.
Senior, you sabi that famous guy man called Asi-Edu ke Nkatie? I am referring to that elder of the Umbrella Family. The one who said “only idiots go to seek counsel from those old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing.” And his definition of idiots includes 1. (n) Anyone who washes his or her face upwards; 2. (n) Anyone who does full make-up as in powdering and pancaking the face; putting lipo-lipo on the lips and lip glossing them if she is a female, immediately before stepping into the bathhouse to bath, believing that after bathing he or she is ready to go; 3. (n) Anyone who eats fufu without soup, like eating bread without butter, but drinks the soup later, why, because if the dish was served with soup over the fufu, then ideally the fufu must go into the stomach first and the soup follows; 4. (n) Any Homo Sapiens of the male species, who wears female’s slit and kaba and goes to the parade grounds abroad in another village; 5. (n) Anyone who to avoid paying loading fee, will rather carry his or her baggage on the head while sitting in a vehicle, and any such Homo Sapiens who acts and behaves as if he/she and wisdom are at loggerheads.
Senior, it is this same Asi-Edu ke Nkatie who was listed among the wisest in the Umbrella Family and prepared and packaged to go and convince the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing that they should make themselves useful small and beg Mama-Gin, our fetish priestess of the lot-casting shrine, to just come and say she thiefed three lots from Odinihu Nana Ontiaobiara to add to the lots Odinihuni Nana Onsurowuo Owubiayeowuo had after the lot-casting.
Senior, if after all the descriptions he gave to those who seek counsel from those old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing, qualifying them as idiots, and he elected himself, and he was elected by his clan to seek counsel and help from those old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing, then what is his genetic make-up? I shall demonstrate shortly that he is an …….. (Fill in the blank space.)
Senior, as you were aware, Odinihuni had five million more lots than Nana Ontiaobiara, and yet, the Umbrella Clan is insisting to this day that they believe their missing three lots can be found among the ones the Omanhene had acquired.
Senior, during the course of the deliberations in front of the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing, Asi-Edu ke Nkatie was asked to describe the three lots he claimed had found a new home among the Great Leopard’s lots, so that he can do identification and collection. This guy man said he did not know how they looked like.
Senior, pressed upon to go and seek the siblings and family members of the lots and come with some photos of them for easy identification, he responded that, that was not his responsibility, and that it was Odinihu Nana Ontiaobiara’s job to do so.
Senior, one of the people who were called to go to bars to drink a certain Just Human-Things-Don-Finish then asked Asi-Edu ke Nkatie to perm lotto numbers and see whether he can identify the missing three lots.
Senior, this Asi-Edu ke Nkatie did and had fifty lines of permutations, but could not identify a single lot which belonged to Odinihu. All the permutations rather revealed that the Great Leopard had five million lots more than Odinihu. And this, Asi-Edu ke Nkatie gladly agreed and accepted. He could not prove that any lot was stolen by the Omanhene, but rather pleaded with the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing, to plead with Mama-Gin to just come and say she stole three lots for Omanhene Odinihuni Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo. Her words would save the faces of the elders of the Umbrella Clan and stop the youth from hooting at them.
Senior, Asi-Edu ke Nkatie’s behaviour and conduct proved that true to his words, only idiots go for counselling from the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing. This pained the Human Loud Speaker for the Municipal Police, Albion Babie, not the Barbie doll, because Asi-Edu ke Nkatie was once a Municipal Police and even though now-a-days most Municipal Police do not conduct themselves as police officers, they act better than Asi-Edu ke Nkatie.
Senior, Albion Babie, not the Barbie doll, decided to enrol Asi-Edu ke Nkatie back into the Municipal Police depot for a refresher course on how to take hold of one’s self in public and talk like a non-idiot. After all, one of the qualities of Municipal Police is to insult well, well, and the person being insulted will rather clap in rejoicement.
Senior, and their mouths are such that they can talk and one will give-up his whole farm, lands, huts, wives and concubines without realising what he had done until decades later.
Senior, as soon as Albion Babie, not the Barbie doll, brought Asi-Edu ke Nkatie to the Municipal Police Headquarters to be taken to the depot for retraining, the confusion became basaa.
Senior, some asked whether he was coming for adult education, and even if his age is above the age of adults so he was certainly not qualified. Others demanded whether he was coming for Free SHS, and even as that policy only supported ex-toddlers, that scheme was not within the education policy in the Municipal Police. And even that, how can someone much older than adults be considered as an ex-toddler?
Senior, still others wanted to know the reason behind the need to re-educate Asi-Edu ke Nkatie. Many had giving up on him, because he was beyond redemption, as he clearly and naturally exhibited in front of the old men and women who sit on benches doing nothing. When he was given a modern touch-screen calculator to perm the numbers with, he went hammering it like he was hammering the old typewriter he used to use in typing letters, documents, etc., etc., at the village square, when he was he.
Senior, many were demanding to know what economic and social advantage the village would gain by re-training Asi-Edu ke Nkatie to become the proper ex-Municipal Police he ought to be.
Senior, as for me, it is Albion Babie, not the Barbie doll, who can tell Ogyakromians something to put our minds and hearts at rest.
I am Dan, sorry I am Done!
It’s Me!
The post Letter to Senior Opupulepu (133) Asi-Edu Ke Nkatie goes for refresher course appeared first on The Chronicle Online.
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