Dear Senior Opupulepu,
I hope you and your family are all do fine. As usual, me and mine are not too sure whether we are do fine or not.
Senior, we are getting confused by the day, because of why? Because we were warned without season like all those members of Yesu Christus Fan Club are asked to pray without season, that our unexpected, uninvited and unwanted visitor in town, Kobby Nanti aka Colombia Visus aka Colombia Virus, is a very bad, bad man, and so no one should associate with him.
Senior, just look at something, on the dozenth day of the third moon of the year when Kobby Nanti arrived here, two paddies decided to follow him, come rain, come shine. Then on the dozenth day of the fourth moon of the year, over five hundred people became his followers, and on the dozenth day of the fifth moon of the year, all the five thousand men, Yesu Christus Emmanuel fed with five balls of Fanti kenkey and two fried amani, as in sardine’s senior brothers or hair-rings for short, thought they were serving that dish some again and so came with a few gate crashers and joined the Kobby Nanti Fan Club.
Senior, there is nothing the Omanhene would say that would make some people keep their distance from Kobby Nanti. I hear the benefits of joining his fan club, include a one way ticket to the life hereafter, so that one could chance upon freely acquiring the choicest parcels of lands, and large mansions with so much wealth and businesses before the others come.
Senior, hmmmm, the Omanhene is now tired, and if it were possible, he would have journeyed on to the Land of the Long Noses to take some holiday. But, as it is now, almost all villages have closed and blocked the footpaths leading to them, and put the akupas on high alert to watch out for any trespasser. For any illegal immigrant arrested, each akupa will have his own choice of three daughters of Eve.
Senior, this is what is keeping miscreants out of other peoples’ villages. And this is what the Omanhene should have done here in Ogyakrom. The only problem is some of these daughters of Eve will protest and talk about their rights and lefts in society.
Senior, having said this, the confusion is becoming basaaa in my head inside. You know that recently, when Mama Gin, who is in no relation to that too known konkonsa labourer, New-Gin, I am referring to the new fetish priestess at the lot casting shrine; yes, Nana Gin. I mean when she looked into her pot and saw that the only way this village can prosper and become like corn’s back is to recount everybody who is eligible to cast lots, counting and branding them like how cattle are counted and branded.
Senior, you remember what the Umbrella people said? Yes, you remember. They said “for the where?” They decided to halt the process by fire, by water. But like a bottle of local gin in a blue kiosk, Mama Gin stood strong in her words and in her deeds.
Senior, it was then that the Umbrella people did something. Please do not quote me. They went somewhere and managed to wake up a certain troublesome and dangerous spirit from a certain shrine, which came out and took human form and was called Kobby Nanti, to come and shake his skin small to frighten Mama Gin into submission.
Senior, when Kobby Nanti gladly but reluctantly agreed and came, these Umbrella people were so over joyed and said because of the presence of our unwanted visitor, we cannot have the counting ceremony.
Senior, it has now dawned on these Umbrella people that if they do not take care, there can be no lot casting based on their own arguments. So they are trying to change their singing from “Ko, Ko, Ko, Kofi me son tsoko no Kofi,” to “Mumuni Maame rice water, ye, ye, rice water!”
Yes, from sitting aloof on a tree to coming to join the rice water party.
Senior, they are saying that there is a way, I mean, there must be a way to cast lots without enrolling people into the Kobby Nanti Fan Club. Now this is where the confusion is becoming-becoming basaaa in my head inside. If people must not be put in a kraal to be counted and branded, why must people be made to assemble, gather together, and congregate to cast lots?
Senior, the Umbrella people are asking Mama Gin to come with a direction of how people can stand and cast lots, but not about how people can be rebranded? Yes, I am not understand. In fact, I am confused, and the confusion is becoming basaa. And Senior, mind you, as custom demands what becomes of those daughters of Eve and sons of Adam whose right hand, passing over their head top could not catch their left ear at the time of the immediate past lot casting, but are now able to do so?
Senior, as for today, so-so confuse-confusing is in my mind. A certain St Peter Baaga-Baaga of Gambaga wants to travel on the Elephants People’s Party bone-shaker truck to the assembly grounds of the village’s Municipal Police to be the Municipal Police for Nalerigu blue kiosk zone. He is saying all over the place that he can better turn the blue kiosk to a drinking bar/restaurant more than what Madam Mahama-Bahamas is doing, because he stole lots for the beautiful lady to be able to win the stool of that kiosk for the first time in 2004.
Senior, see me, see trouble! Someone who has confess that he can thief, I am not saying he is a thief, I do not have proof, but he is saying he can thief, to be allowed to become a Municipal Police? This does not add up. I can only say that he has confessed that he has stolen plenty before, so he can steal anything. His nursery skuul mates to primary skuul, to middle skuul to second level skuul to third level skuul must be assembled and ask to remember what they have ever lost when St Peter Baaga-Baaga of Gambaga was close to their GPS location.
Senior, I guess the list will be long, from pencils and crayons, to gums and erasers, to rulers like Donut Triumphant, through to story books and love letters, cowries and Man U supporters as in pants, and from pots of soup on the fire to guys who lost their girlfriends under unbelievable circumstances like the ladies walking out on them after they have drained them completely out and dry.
Senior, if people have started confessing then, it might be your turn. This is the moment of truth, but seniors first. Go ahead and confess all your sins and iniquities, then when I see the coast is clear and safe, I will confess mine.
I am Dan for now, sorry I am Done.
It is Me!
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect The Chronicle’s editorial stance
The post Letter to Senior Opupulepu (92) – Kobby Nanti Fan Club and Our Lot Casting Festival appeared first on The Chronicle Online.
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