Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you and your family do? I hope you are all do fine. As for me and my family, we are not too sure whether we are do or not, let alone to know whether we are do fine.
Senior, ever since Kobby Nanti aka Colombia Virus or Colonial Virus for short, gate-crashed our village, any time the Omanhene Nana Owubiayeowuo will speak on the issue, at the issue, in the issue, or to the issue, he comes with something sweet, sweet.
Senior, it is like the time that you were small, small pikin and when you were sick-sick of malaria, your mother would give you bitter-bitter quinine, and while your mind make like you have to go crazy a little and your face involuntarily make like kakaamotobi, kakaamotobi, your sweet mother will put sweet, sweet orange into your mouth, so that you will forget the bitter, bitterness.
Senior, so it is that when Kobby Nanti went around reducing macho men to small, small class one girls, putting the fear of Yahweh inside their inside, our Omanhene will come every quarter of a moon and give us soothing words of glad tidings. He actually shares gifts like a certain Father Christmas, making those who missed Christmas, because they don’t have and did not get, start enjoying the meaning of Christmas.
Senior, Nana said, and he says, from henceforth, tomorrow to go, anybody who goes to fetch water at the stream, river or lake must not pay the lampoo man anything. Anyone who goes for firewood, whether from the bush or from the back of a truck, or in the market square, must not pay for it. Those who go for klaazine to fuel their osono must fetch this liquid-fire free.
Senior, in a nutshell, water in any form is now free like the rains that fall from the skies. Also, any form of heat and/or light energy, manual or automatic, is very free, and it shall remain free until a baby born today can start counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and backwards.
Senior, with all these goodies scattered all over, and villagers praising Odinihinu to the highest heavens, some people are not happy. There is a group of villagers who do not have access to water and electricity (manual and/or automatic), and they are so angry that the Omanhene could give them for free to people who already has, I mean, have, or let us say the both of the two above.
Senior, they are demanding that Odinihuni, the Omanhene, must convert their gifts into cowries, so that they too can enjoy small. Other than that, then Nana should muah-muah their lots goodbye, in the fourth-coming, or is it eighth-coming, lot casting festival.
Senior, another wahala in this free-free water and electricity (manual and/or automatic) things, is that when the villagers go for the free-free gifts, they are told to first pay bribe, as in bribe, that you will receive receipt. So let us call it official bribe, and this is what happens. If you want water for, say twenty cowries, you are mandated to pay twenty cowries and you will be told to proceed home, because the pots of water that will flow through you tap will be doubled.
Senior, the same applies to the electricity (manual and/or automatic). If you want one hundred match boxes of electricity, you will have to pay cowries for it, and you will be politely told to go home because the number will be increased to two hundred match boxes through the cable and wire-full.
Senior, what people are saying is that they are not understand this distribution of gifts. You see, the water people will bring the record of transactions between the customer and the water kiosk people every six moons, and by that time, how will the consumer know whether his gift has been credited him?
Senior, moreover, the water kiosk people, in most cases, produce air instead of water, because almost all the taps in the village will just cough out air when you open them. And so is the electricity people; their power just goes on and off just like and akupas are gently and patiently waiting for these light-light people to come and make accounts. They will hope that the villagers will not be told that it is only during the dum periods that they share the gifts of free electricity (manual and/or automatic). Like, what will get down, will get down.
Senior, people are quietly and silently waiting for Kobby Nanti to take leave off the village of Ogyakrom, and they will show that, indeed, they have powers to discipline those who need to be disciplined. They do not want our unwanted visitor to know our bad sides.
Senior, having said that, the Great Leopard, Odinihuni, has mandated that every living being, both plants and animals in Ogyakrom, must cover-cover their noses and mouths when in public. This directive is causing some problems and some good at the same time.
Senior, when this directive was not on, one can view a beautiful daughter of Eve or a handsome son of Adam far, far away and start making plans. But this day, you see the person coming: height (check); body built (check); limbs (check); way of walking (check) and voice (check), but you are not sure whether it is a kakaamotobi who is approaching. Some few people fell victims in this blind dating, where they were misled to choose the wrong choose. Some people’s teeth were falling out and so had to be held in place with insolation tape. In these circumstances, what can man do that woman won’t do?
Senior, on the other hand, the compulsory wearing of nose and mouth masks is saving a lot of people. Some landlords walk past tenants who owe them, and many crooks and criminals have escaped the grips of the professional thief slappers, since man, they were covered. These people are forcing that Kobby Nanti should become a dual citizen in Ogyakrom.
Senior, please tell our Omanhene, Odinihuni Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo the Great Leopard, to come back and tell us something. He must come and explain in plain Ogyakromian English what he meant about the free gifts and masks. Most importantly, how we can claim our gift in cash from the water and the electricity (manual and/or automatic) people. We need him to speak, and when he speaks, he must speak like an Ogyakromian bookman, not like the son of Omanhemaa Auntie Lizzy of the Ngleshi village, we shall understand him better.
Senior, I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
Its Me!
The views expressed in this article are the Author’s own and do not necessarily reflect The Chronicle’s editorial stace.
The post Letter to Senior Opupulepu (90) Please Omanhene, Come Again? appeared first on The Chronicle Online.
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