Dear Senior Opupulepu,I hope you and your family are do fine; as for me and mine, I am not too sure.
Senior, the Great Odinihuni has done his thing some again. He has introduced and enforced a new dress code for all and sundry and sundry and all.
Senior, you remember that immediately any pickin is born, the midwife would wrap cloth all over the baby leaving some small opening for the nose and eyes and a little portion of the forehead to show. Under this condition no one can tell whether it is a male, a female or transgender….sorry, sorry please erase that.
Senior as the baby is grow-growing, it is forced to put on some apparatus called pioto, as in dross, as in Man U Supporter, sorry erase that too, I mean supporter, as in dzokoto with the botanical name, underwearum pantisimus, underwear or pants for short.
Senior, remember how it was very mandatory for you to wear this apparatus under the peril of you receiving lashes if you are caught with your pants down. The area the pants cover is an exclusive zone, highly restrictive zone, top secret and confidential where trespassers enter at their own risk. That area defines your humanity and from there your dignity is defined.
Senior, as you were growing you were warned not to know how the other person’s something looks like since “man, everybody is covered!” And you also got a bit puzzled because when it comes to wee-weeing, as in pissing or as in urinating for short. When the daughters of Eve are wee-weeing they pose in a certain position as if they are riding motorbike while the sons of Adam wee-wee standing erect like how electric pole is or at attention like bow and arrow professions at parade.
Senior, that did not give you the right or the left to find out what is inside the pants of daughters of Eve to make them we-wee like they are sitting on motorbike’s back. Senior, if you dare make enquiry or investigation and the lady shouts or someone sees you, you know for sure that your days on earth will be reduced small. Simple, put that area is secret and confidential. No entry for unauthorised persons.
Senior, now Odinihuni the Great Leopard, Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo after consulting with Yahweh the Almighty added the nose and mouth to the list of human areas to be considered as private parts and treated as such. So from henceforth, today to go, everyone must wear underwear, sorry upper-wear over his or her mouth and nose. Anyone who does not will be charged with the crime called indecent exposure in public and will be dealt with accordingly.
Senior, you are advised that even when you are in bed you should put on upper-wear unless you and madam are going to transact some important private business. So it means anytime you are to get out of your bedroom, you must stay covered down below as well as covered up above. I know this will make it very difficult to transact some business with your side-chick but do not blame me, blame Nana Onsurowuo, for instead of going to strike a good deal from Yahweh to benefit us all, this was what he came with from his meeting with the Most High. As it is, we are to respect this new decree because, Yahweh the Almighty Father of Yesu Christus Emmanuel has signed under with His own Holy Hand.
Senior, as we trying to understand why the nose and mouth are now private parts and need to be covered in public, we realised that our foot paths are not the foot path of Yahweh and our thinkings are not His thinkings.
Senior, in trying to understand how this should be so, we remember that there a species of Ogyakromians who call themselves prophets, who could tell us something. These our prophets can see what will happen about or over one hundred and twenty moons away as if it is happening now. In every twelve moons they can and will prophesy how many people will travel to the land of the Long Noses. This is the era, the third and fourth moon of the year, when these prophets are able to see those who will travel to the Land of the Long Noses.
Senior, the problem is, with the visit of our unwelcome visitor, Kobby Nanti, these prophets are seeming to have lost their sights of vision and cannot prophesy who and who is qualified and to be picked by Yahweh to travel to the Land of the Long Noses.
Senior, these prophets who used to be in charge of the agenda of the village, have now gone underground. They who can cure all ailments and even wake the dead from sleep run underground when they heard of Kobby Nanti’s intention to visit our village. When asked why they have gone aloss these men and women of Yahweh pointed to the animal skin the Odininuni puts his feet on and said “If Onsurowuo see Die-Die’s face and could slide back, who are we to face Die-Die.”
Senior, someone suggested to them that their Lord and Master and Saviour, Yesu Christus Emmanuel, who can crush Die-Die with the Word of Mouth, should be consulted to catch Kobby Nanti and lock him down.
Senior, before anyone could ask follow-up questions, these men and women of Yahweh quickly quarantined and locked down themselves putting social distancing in full practices, serving notice that they will only return to work as soon as Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo lifts the ban on the assemblification of worshipper and praise singers.
Senior, I think I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
The post Letter to Senior Opupulepu (89): Our New Dress Codes, Our Prophets and None Other Matters appeared first on The Chronicle Online.Read Full Story