Insight Forge with Terry Mante: The truth about one-sided relationships

“There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from being the reliable one in a relationship where reliability is not mutual.” – Terry Mante

On Monday morning, Ama arrived at work carrying two bags. One held her laptop. The other held materials for a team presentation scheduled for 10 a.m. Kojo, her teammate, was supposed to co-present.

He was also supposed to prepare half the slides. But by 9:15, he had not shown up, had not responded to messages, and had not shared any content. Frustrated but determined, Ama opened her laptop and spent 45 minutes creating the missing half of the presentation.

When the meeting began, Kojo finally walked in. He took a seat, smiled confidently, and halfway through the session, he spoke as if he had contributed to the work. Everyone complimented the team, and Ama quietly accepted it because she did not want to embarrass him. Later that evening, she found herself apologizing to him for looking a bit stressed during the meeting.

It was only on her way home that she realized something important. She had been carrying this partnership alone for months. And it was not only happening at work. It was happening in several areas of her life. The weight was beginning to show.

One-sided dynamics are everywhere

One-sided relationships are not limited to romantic disappointments. They appear in friendships, family systems, work teams, volunteer groups and community settings. They show up whenever one person consistently invests more time, more energy, more emotional labor or more responsibility than the other party.

These dynamics begin subtly. A missed call here. A forgotten deadline there. A casual “You do not mind doing it, right?” that slowly becomes an unspoken rule. Before long, the balance is tilted, and the person carrying most of the weight does not even realize how heavy it has become.

The emotional cost of carrying the weight alone

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from being the reliable one in a relationship where reliability is not mutual. In personal relationships, this exhaustion can manifest as self-doubt, guilt for asking for support or hesitation to speak up about your needs.

In professional settings, the toll is burnout. You become the unofficial quality-checker, the backup planner, the crisis manager and the invisible stabilizer. You give attention, care, clarity and structure. The other person gives excuses or the bare minimum.

Over time, this inequality distorts your sense of worth. You start believing that asking for reciprocity is asking for too much. You convince yourself that you are strong enough to handle it. Until you are not.

Why people stay in one-sided arrangements

People stay in one-sided dynamics for reasons that feel convincing in the moment.

Hope makes you believe the other person will eventually do better. Fear makes you worry that calling out the imbalance will create conflict or distance. History makes you feel obligated to continue because of how long you have been there. Identity makes you proud of being dependable, even when others take advantage of that dependability.

At work, the system often reinforces one-sidedness. Leaders praise the person who always rescues the team but rarely question why that person is always the one doing the rescuing. In personal life, people grow comfortable relying on the one who constantly forgives, adjusts and absorbs.

Recognizing when a relationship has become one-sided

Several signs reveal when effort has become unbalanced:

• You initiate most conversations or tasks.
• Your needs, ideas or concerns rarely receive attention.
• You feel anxious about raising issues because you expect dismissal or defensiveness.
• You make most of the compromises.
• You feel resentment growing, even though you rarely express it.
• Their expectations of you are far greater than their contributions to you.

In workplaces, this becomes clear when accountability is inconsistent or praise is shared equally despite unequal effort.

Restoring Balance or choosing to step away

Not every one-sided relationship is doomed. Some people genuinely do not realize how much you are carrying. A calm, specific and honest conversation can prompt change. In friendships and families, this might mean expressing how certain behaviors affect you. At work, it may involve clarifying roles or agreeing on firmer boundaries.

However, if nothing changes, if the imbalance continues despite your honesty, you may need to make a harder decision. Staying in a one-sided relationship slowly erodes your emotional and professional health. Choosing to step back is not failure. It is self-respect.

The lesson one-sided relationships offer

Every one-sided relationship becomes a mirror. It shows you what you tolerate, what you fear and what you believe you deserve. It teaches you that strength is not found in carrying everything. It is found in refusing to carry what is not yours.

The truth is simple. You deserve relationships that do not depend on your silence, your overwork or your endless patience. You deserve people who match your effort, honor your presence and carry the weight with you.

Stop dragging relationships that refuse to walk. The moment you put the weight down, you will finally see who is willing to pick theirs up.

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About the author

Terry Mante is a thought leader whose expression as an author, corporate trainer, management consultant, and speaker provides challenge and inspiration to add value to organizations and position individuals to function effectively. He is the Principal Consultant of Terry Mante Exchange (TMX). Connect with him on LinkedIn, Facebook, X, Instagram, Threads and TikTok @terrymante and www.terrymante.org.

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